About Me

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Divorced, 46 currently envolved in a r/l D/s realtionship.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Point of Enlightenment...

I have struggled with a few things... One being "safe words"... although I understand the importance of them. To this point I thought having them or using them might be a sign of distrust... I glanced at a blog today that put that in perspective for me. (thanks libby) It dawned on me that I might be looking at it as a sign of weakness on my part. Using a safe word.... would mean that I was disappointing Sir. In reality... I should look at it in another light... If I am indeed the most important possession that Sir has... I should be doing everything in my power to protect that possession. Thus allowing myself to take ownership of the safe word... protecting his prize possession from harm. To this point.... I have never had an occasion to need to use my safe word. However, in the back of my mind.. I have had doubts as to whether I would use it when my limits were pushed. I now feel it would be my responsibility to use it.

I had to borrow these... hummmm I might work to hard to be normal on occassion.. guess it is indeed overrated...

Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting. -source unknown

My darling girl, when are you going to understand that normalcy is not necessarily a virtue, it rather denotes a lack of courage. -from the movie "Practical Magic,"

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I found this.... quote.. and it seems appropriate:

The power of submission
lies not in the ability
to kneel before another,
to give over one’s body
or in the wearing of a collar.

The power of submission
can be found only in the heart
of one who gives her love
to another freely
knowing what joy and pain
will come from it.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Only limited within my own mind....

Per Sir's request... I am to make a list of things I would like to try...
I truly think my biggest limits are within my own mind....
List of things I would like to try... (listed in random order.)

1. Ice play of some sort.
2. candle wax
3. different bondage positions.
4. photography
5. experiment with Anal play.. butt plugs or anal beads.
6. sensory deprivation.
7. gags.. especially the ball gag.. (I think anything can be achieved with practice.)
8. agressive play.. to be taken with force.. such as rape scene.
9.ritualist things.. such as being required to do certain things...in a certain way to please.
10. begging.
11. extended bondage
12. extended penetration.
13. clothes pins
14. direct orders to perform. (ie.. "play with my balls"... "play with your tits" or "masterbate for my pleasure." "being made to tell you exactly what I need in a verbal format.. not just with body language."
15. Learn to do prostate massage
16. experiment with all kinds of toys.. both his and hers... type.
17. someday attend a munch.
18. Learn to enjoy role playing.
19. experiment with spreader bar.
20. suprises of any kind.

I am sure this list will grow as I begin to know myself even better.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I am who... who I am....

Sir has asked me to think of ways in which I wish to serve him outside of the bedroom. I have thought about this assignment to the point... I wasn’t sure it was within me to accomplish...
Then.. being true to myself... I did what I always do...I read about the lifestyle of the true submissive. Then I did the second thing I always do when I am tackling a problem, or situation...
I took one step back to look at the bigger picture...

I am who I am... I am where I should be... I am indeed service oriented and submissive outside the bedroom. The realization began......
–with a kit kat and cherry mash on the dresser.
_Pepsi in the fridge.
When I serve Sir in any way... it pleases me. I have to this point found no greater reward in my current relationship than knowing I have pleased him.

If serving someone is indeed a relationship of the 50's.... and I am merely wanting to be June Cleaver.. Then that is my role. She anticipated his needs. She took care of the home in such a way to please the "Master" in her life. Do I think June Cleaver had a personality of her own? Yes. Do I think she was an intelligent woman? Yes.

At this point in my teachings... if I were asked what I thought the most important qualities of a good submissive are:
_Giving without reservation.
_Obeying his direction.
_Anticipating his needs.
_Supporting his dreams
_Taking pride in that these characteristics are who you are.
So in the end my service and submission outside the bedroom is limited only by the ways in which Sir wants to teach me to please him.

"True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.Henry Miller...