About Me

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Divorced, 46 currently envolved in a r/l D/s realtionship.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Task at hand....

Sir has ordered me to refrain from "personal pleasure." I am not to masturbate.

I am also to think about duties and ways in which to serve and please him outside of the bedroom. Both tasks will be hard for me. The second one I must ponder and give some thought too. Although when I first entered into this relationship with Sir... I felt I was only submissive in the bedroom. I now feel I should explore who I am more deeply.

emotions out of context...

Sir, has asked me to write in my blog as a method of learning more about how I feel about certain things.

I waited almost two days before taking to Sir about something that was bothering me.
Communication is our strong suite.... yet I held back. I hate to show emotions that are out of context or amplified. I dislike over dramatics. Sometimes emotions of insecurity and jealousy are very unbecoming. Although they are natural... and make us all human. Sometimes I merely want to be above that. My feelings of insecurity and jealousy appear to be unwarranted.
They appear out of context

We went to bed... and I wondered if I would allow my feeling of guilt to come into play.
Would I figure out a way to punish myself for the feelings that were not warranted?

Every time I have wore the collar or cuffs.... I have associated it with pleasure, desire, raw human need....The minute Sir placed the collar around my neck.. I was in my place a comfort place. A place where I am needed, desired, wanted... Vulnerable for his pleasure.
His pleasure is what I want. His approval is what I seek. Once my collar was in place I knew that I was okay. I was his.. I belong to Sir. I desperately need to belong.

He placed my arms cuffed above my head.... When he slipped the rope around my ankles I felt a sense of excitement. One pull.... and my ankles are bound tighter than Sir has ever made them. Its a quick adrenaline high. I know without a doubt... I cannot wiggle my legs free. The ropes are tight... I like the snugness of them biting into my ankles just a bit. I have wanted this very much. I am face down.. arms cuffed together above my head. Legs tied at the ankle.

Sir trails the flogger over my ass and thighs... My mind is in the moment.. all I can think of is "please"...Please do not make me wait... However I love the anticipation. He begins flogging me every so gently.....A strange sensation comes over me..a warmth in my genital area.. almost as if I have urinated... However, I have not.. Its almost an erotic arousal. I cannot explain. With each strike... I think I need to hear my voice.. almost as much as Sir does.... "Thank you Sir".... "Thank you Sir" To my own ears sometimes I sound grateful... other times my voice is labored... each strike brings a unique sting...
My ass is surely bright red? With each "Thank you Sir" comes another strike... harder than the last one... I do not know... if I am unable? unwilling? or two stubborn to use my safeword.... I know it... "Mercy Sir"... Maybe I do not want to use it? Maybe I do not need to use it? Maybe I do not want to disappoint Sir? For whatever reason.. I do not use it.

Sir seems to know me very well... Even though I have not used a safeword.. He has pushed me a bit further than before... He knows I am at where I need to be... He orders me to turn over.. and he reties my ankles.. crossing them so, my knees are bent. He now begins a slow...tormenting decent down my body with his tongue. He takes each nipple and makes them a delicacy in his mouth. My ass is so very warm against the sheets.. and my nipples and pussy are aching for attention. All I can do is arch toward him.... I need more.. I want more... He is thumping my clit ever so steady... He knows I want more.
I want his finger deep inside my wet pussy. I want his tongue on my hard clit... I want to feel his hard cock inside of me. I want to house it in my warmth.
I feel I can wait no longer... I beg for him to let me cum.... I love his words telling me to cum just for him... The minute he requests me to.. I want to.. I need to.. but, I am not quite there... My body is so wound up.... Again I beg for him to let me cum... This time when he tells me to cum for him... I do... He knows I cannot remain still... and I cannot remain quiet... He allows me to ride out the wave of pleasure that comes over me.

Sir is not yet finished with me.,,.. I belong to him... I am his for his personal pleasure...
He trails kisses along my body... His tongue is on my throbbing clit... He will make me cum again. My body is wound... I have no choice... my pussy will come again.. for Sir.

Sir unbinds my ankles... I am totally exposed for his pleasure.. I love the feel of Sirs hard cock as he penetrates deep inside of me. I feel his need grow... I love it when he takes me in a such a manner. I love it when he takes me off guard.. and tugs me swift and firm toward him by my collar. The kiss is fierce and demanding. My goal is to meet his need....

I drift to sleep in my cuff and collar. I know I will sleep peacefully next to Sir.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

First Post....

It has been a couple months since Sir has restrained my wrists and spanked my ass to a nice warm red.... I miss it.. Tonight he has promised me just such a treat.

He knows that anticipation is a driving force in my mind. He knows my desires to test limits.. to try to new and different things. To feel the full circle of emotions from, softness, to firm aggression...to fear... to pain... to raw desire.... to solace...

All day my mind wanders with anticipation. If I center my thoughts on his touch, his smell... his voice.. or even the sound of his belt as it snaps... I can remember... remembering can make me take a deep breath... remembering can make my nipples grow hard... or my pussy twitch... Its a mind.... a body built of anticipation.

As our evening unfolds... and we snuggle on the sofa... Sir, is tired from his day... I lay in his arms wondering if he will full fill my driving need.. or if we will snuggle into a comfort zone... putting the scene off until another night. I love to lay in his arms.. and stroke his body.. just to feel his skin beneath mine.

We head to the bedroom... I know he has exquisite plans for me.. as I see the rope on the bed... He fastens my collar. Kisses my neck... a signal to me that my waiting is over.. and I will be able to submit... and receive the control, structure, and guidance I seek. I glance up and see my nude body in his mirror.. I love the sight of his body behind me.. He motions for me to hold out my arms... He strokes my arms and places the cotton rope around my wrists. I look away from his gaze.. His naked torso is always an erotic site for me... I can get lost in his vision. He bounds my ankles with the same cotton rope. I am now bound together with my arms above my head and my ankles together.

Face down with my hands bound above my head... and my feet bound at my ankles...
I am in my own zone.... A place that feels both comforting and erotic. It offers an intense feeling of anticipation and desire. At this point my pain and pleasure lay soley in Sirs hands... and I like that zone.. I love the feel as he trails the flogger over my round ass. I anticipate the first strike.. its gentle and light.. He is letting me know what is coming.. Each strike I quiver with a combination of anticipation and need. Each strike grows slightly harder than the last... I breath deep... It thrills me to know that my sighs...moans ..cries.... are things he enjoys hearing... That I can just free fall into his care... and that their is no right or wrong response. I need for him to be in control of my body.. its his for the taking. As each stroke grows more intense.. I think of my safe word...Then I think.. I need just one more strike.. and I will say it.. then the strike comes firm and controlled... yet I do not say it... I endure...I then say the same thing in my mind... after this stroke.. I will use the power I have.. I will say my safe word to let sir know...I need him to ease the sting or change the strength of his stroke... yet I say nothing... Sir senses I am where I need to be... and rubs my ass.. and kisses it.. feeling the warmth he has created. I love the feel of his cool cheek against my warm ass.

He leaves my hands bound and commands me to turn over... He unties my ankles and reties them crossed at the ankle... This is a new position for me... It exposes my ripe pussy.... I remain his for the taking... at his pace... in whatever way in which he desires. I know my pleasure will be exquisite. Sir never fails to take my body to the edge..again.. and again... I am a yo-yo at the masters hand. Sir knows that he has the power to make me cum in few minutes.. or to make me wait.. and draw out the pleasure. He chooses to make me wait.... He knows I will beg... I will beg for him to let me cum. I must need the pleasure as badly as he wishes to give it... Then and only then will he let me cum. As I cum.. my cries are music to his ears.. He knows I cannot remain still or quiet...I love my existence as I strain against my ropes. As my breathing shallows and returns to a more normal pace... He continues to stroke my body... my breasts... my wet clit...

I remain for a moment with my eyes closed... bound in my vulnerable position..drifting with the sound of the music...When I feel sir's wet gentle kisses on the inside of my thighs.. I still remain his for the taking. His expert tongue will take me once again over the edge.
He then releases my ankles making me available for his taking... He never ceases to make me feel my pleasure is foremost in his mind...

After he releases my arms.. my collar remains.. I love it when he grabs the ring and pulls me toward him... and kisses me aggressively... If I am property.. I am his.. and his alone.
I feel at home in this space. I love the feel of my collar as we drift off to sleep snuggled in a spoon position. I miss the security of my cuffs.. that I am used to ... much the same as you might miss your watch.. if you left it at home... As I fall asleep.. I resolve to tell sir how much I enjoyed the rope.. but, that I have a feeling of loss without the cuffs.

As I am about to drift off to sleep... I realize that I am connected to sir.. every bit at deeply as if I were married to him. I belong to him... I trust him with all that I am.. unconditionally. It is but the only gift I have to give.