About Me

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Divorced, 46 currently envolved in a r/l D/s realtionship.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Have you Ever?

Found this today... Thought it was worthy of posting... Author was listed as unknown.. I do not presume to take credit for such work... Each question is thought provoking ...

Have You Ever? – Author Unknown

Have you ever knelt, naked, trembling, at your Master’s feet….patiently waiting while he picks out the perfect flogger?

Have you ever crawled across the floor, crop between your lips, with that pleading look in your eye?

Have you ever felt that sharp sting, and then the wave of intense pain, that comes with a stroke of the cane?

Have you ever wondered if she can take just one more stroke, and felt the pride when she took 10?

Have you ever stood over her as she looks up at you with tears in her eyes?

Have you ever gotten the giggles on stroke number 255….even though you are hurting?

Have you ever been bound, naked, in front of a room full of people, yet the only one you are aware of is your Dom?

Have you ever felt the rush of power that comes when someone willingly crawls across your lap to be punished?

Have you ever stood in the corner, skirt raised, panties down, tears running down your face from the humiliation?

Have you ever awakened the next morning unable to walk across the room without feeling the pain of the night before?

Have you ever wanted to hold her in your arms as she sobbed, yet left her huddled in the corner?

Have you ever trembled in fear and excitement when he pulls out *that* toy?

Have you ever felt the sadistic pleasure that comes from inflicting pain?

Have you ever bent over the counter at the toy store, the clerk holding your wrists, as your Dom picks out the paddle that he prefers?

Have you ever practiced with that new toy until your arm feels as if it is going to fall off?

Have you ever worn those little gold handcuff earrings to work?

Have you ever felt the over-whelming warmth from knowing that she is taking the pain just to please you?

Have you ever lifted the hair off the back of your neck without being told while your Master slipped on a collar?

Have you ever heard the scream of your muscles as you lie hog-tied on the bed?

Have you ever fought with the beast…knowing it was time to stop, yet wanting to hear her squeals for just a little longer?

Have you ever felt the sting of the crop on your inner thighs?

Have you ever presented your body for the single-tail, knowing that one mis-stroke could leave you lying on the floor, writhing in pain?

Have you ever felt the touch of the whip as it wraps around your body and caresses your breast?
Have you ever gasped, and then screamed, as the nipple clamps were slowly removed?

Have you ever felt her squirming and kicking as you apply the hair brush to her reddening flesh?
Have you ever loved, and hated, and feared, and needed all at the same time?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Are We defined by our Collar?

Are we defined by our collar? Does leather touching our neck make us compliant? Does it make one seem whole? I seem to be rolling a great many things around in my head lately. I have not written my thoughts here in several months. The D/s side of my life seems to be set aside? dissolved? on the back burner? no longer a focal point?

My relationship with Sir seems to have changed... At present it seems to be very vanilla in nature. There is a part of me that enjoys that.. but maybe an even bigger part of me desires so much more.

I feel totally lost sometimes without the same type of control in parts of my life. I have never wished to be totally controlled or live in a 24/7 D/s relationship... but having the will to give up and to submit.. has given me peace.. and the release of not having to be in control.. be the responsible one..

I have spoken with Sir a couple of times the last few months about the fact that I do very much miss that element of our relationship. He has told me that is merely on the back burner..... and that in time we will come back to it. I do not totally understand its absents.. nor do I fully understand my longing... Inside of me aches for this type of control....

If its Sirs will.. it will return to our relationship in time.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Point of Enlightenment...

I have struggled with a few things... One being "safe words"... although I understand the importance of them. To this point I thought having them or using them might be a sign of distrust... I glanced at a blog today that put that in perspective for me. (thanks libby) It dawned on me that I might be looking at it as a sign of weakness on my part. Using a safe word.... would mean that I was disappointing Sir. In reality... I should look at it in another light... If I am indeed the most important possession that Sir has... I should be doing everything in my power to protect that possession. Thus allowing myself to take ownership of the safe word... protecting his prize possession from harm. To this point.... I have never had an occasion to need to use my safe word. However, in the back of my mind.. I have had doubts as to whether I would use it when my limits were pushed. I now feel it would be my responsibility to use it.

I had to borrow these... hummmm I might work to hard to be normal on occassion.. guess it is indeed overrated...

Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting. -source unknown

My darling girl, when are you going to understand that normalcy is not necessarily a virtue, it rather denotes a lack of courage. -from the movie "Practical Magic,"

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I found this.... quote.. and it seems appropriate:

The power of submission
lies not in the ability
to kneel before another,
to give over one’s body
or in the wearing of a collar.

The power of submission
can be found only in the heart
of one who gives her love
to another freely
knowing what joy and pain
will come from it.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Only limited within my own mind....

Per Sir's request... I am to make a list of things I would like to try...
I truly think my biggest limits are within my own mind....
List of things I would like to try... (listed in random order.)

1. Ice play of some sort.
2. candle wax
3. different bondage positions.
4. photography
5. experiment with Anal play.. butt plugs or anal beads.
6. sensory deprivation.
7. gags.. especially the ball gag.. (I think anything can be achieved with practice.)
8. agressive play.. to be taken with force.. such as rape scene.
9.ritualist things.. such as being required to do certain things...in a certain way to please.
10. begging.
11. extended bondage
12. extended penetration.
13. clothes pins
14. direct orders to perform. (ie.. "play with my balls"... "play with your tits" or "masterbate for my pleasure." "being made to tell you exactly what I need in a verbal format.. not just with body language."
15. Learn to do prostate massage
16. experiment with all kinds of toys.. both his and hers... type.
17. someday attend a munch.
18. Learn to enjoy role playing.
19. experiment with spreader bar.
20. suprises of any kind.

I am sure this list will grow as I begin to know myself even better.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I am who... who I am....

Sir has asked me to think of ways in which I wish to serve him outside of the bedroom. I have thought about this assignment to the point... I wasn’t sure it was within me to accomplish...
Then.. being true to myself... I did what I always do...I read about the lifestyle of the true submissive. Then I did the second thing I always do when I am tackling a problem, or situation...
I took one step back to look at the bigger picture...

I am who I am... I am where I should be... I am indeed service oriented and submissive outside the bedroom. The realization began......
–with a kit kat and cherry mash on the dresser.
_Pepsi in the fridge.
When I serve Sir in any way... it pleases me. I have to this point found no greater reward in my current relationship than knowing I have pleased him.

If serving someone is indeed a relationship of the 50's.... and I am merely wanting to be June Cleaver.. Then that is my role. She anticipated his needs. She took care of the home in such a way to please the "Master" in her life. Do I think June Cleaver had a personality of her own? Yes. Do I think she was an intelligent woman? Yes.

At this point in my teachings... if I were asked what I thought the most important qualities of a good submissive are:
_Giving without reservation.
_Obeying his direction.
_Anticipating his needs.
_Supporting his dreams
_Taking pride in that these characteristics are who you are.
So in the end my service and submission outside the bedroom is limited only by the ways in which Sir wants to teach me to please him.

"True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.Henry Miller...

Friday, January 30, 2009

Task at hand....

Sir has ordered me to refrain from "personal pleasure." I am not to masturbate.

I am also to think about duties and ways in which to serve and please him outside of the bedroom. Both tasks will be hard for me. The second one I must ponder and give some thought too. Although when I first entered into this relationship with Sir... I felt I was only submissive in the bedroom. I now feel I should explore who I am more deeply.