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Divorced, 46 currently envolved in a r/l D/s realtionship.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Are We defined by our Collar?

Are we defined by our collar? Does leather touching our neck make us compliant? Does it make one seem whole? I seem to be rolling a great many things around in my head lately. I have not written my thoughts here in several months. The D/s side of my life seems to be set aside? dissolved? on the back burner? no longer a focal point?

My relationship with Sir seems to have changed... At present it seems to be very vanilla in nature. There is a part of me that enjoys that.. but maybe an even bigger part of me desires so much more.

I feel totally lost sometimes without the same type of control in parts of my life. I have never wished to be totally controlled or live in a 24/7 D/s relationship... but having the will to give up and to submit.. has given me peace.. and the release of not having to be in control.. be the responsible one..

I have spoken with Sir a couple of times the last few months about the fact that I do very much miss that element of our relationship. He has told me that is merely on the back burner..... and that in time we will come back to it. I do not totally understand its absents.. nor do I fully understand my longing... Inside of me aches for this type of control....

If its Sirs will.. it will return to our relationship in time.