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Divorced, 46 currently envolved in a r/l D/s realtionship.

Friday, January 30, 2009

emotions out of context...

Sir, has asked me to write in my blog as a method of learning more about how I feel about certain things.

I waited almost two days before taking to Sir about something that was bothering me.
Communication is our strong suite.... yet I held back. I hate to show emotions that are out of context or amplified. I dislike over dramatics. Sometimes emotions of insecurity and jealousy are very unbecoming. Although they are natural... and make us all human. Sometimes I merely want to be above that. My feelings of insecurity and jealousy appear to be unwarranted.
They appear out of context

We went to bed... and I wondered if I would allow my feeling of guilt to come into play.
Would I figure out a way to punish myself for the feelings that were not warranted?

Every time I have wore the collar or cuffs.... I have associated it with pleasure, desire, raw human need....The minute Sir placed the collar around my neck.. I was in my place a comfort place. A place where I am needed, desired, wanted... Vulnerable for his pleasure.
His pleasure is what I want. His approval is what I seek. Once my collar was in place I knew that I was okay. I was his.. I belong to Sir. I desperately need to belong.

He placed my arms cuffed above my head.... When he slipped the rope around my ankles I felt a sense of excitement. One pull.... and my ankles are bound tighter than Sir has ever made them. Its a quick adrenaline high. I know without a doubt... I cannot wiggle my legs free. The ropes are tight... I like the snugness of them biting into my ankles just a bit. I have wanted this very much. I am face down.. arms cuffed together above my head. Legs tied at the ankle.

Sir trails the flogger over my ass and thighs... My mind is in the moment.. all I can think of is "please"...Please do not make me wait... However I love the anticipation. He begins flogging me every so gently.....A strange sensation comes over me..a warmth in my genital area.. almost as if I have urinated... However, I have not.. Its almost an erotic arousal. I cannot explain. With each strike... I think I need to hear my voice.. almost as much as Sir does.... "Thank you Sir".... "Thank you Sir" To my own ears sometimes I sound grateful... other times my voice is labored... each strike brings a unique sting...
My ass is surely bright red? With each "Thank you Sir" comes another strike... harder than the last one... I do not know... if I am unable? unwilling? or two stubborn to use my safeword.... I know it... "Mercy Sir"... Maybe I do not want to use it? Maybe I do not need to use it? Maybe I do not want to disappoint Sir? For whatever reason.. I do not use it.

Sir seems to know me very well... Even though I have not used a safeword.. He has pushed me a bit further than before... He knows I am at where I need to be... He orders me to turn over.. and he reties my ankles.. crossing them so, my knees are bent. He now begins a slow...tormenting decent down my body with his tongue. He takes each nipple and makes them a delicacy in his mouth. My ass is so very warm against the sheets.. and my nipples and pussy are aching for attention. All I can do is arch toward him.... I need more.. I want more... He is thumping my clit ever so steady... He knows I want more.
I want his finger deep inside my wet pussy. I want his tongue on my hard clit... I want to feel his hard cock inside of me. I want to house it in my warmth.
I feel I can wait no longer... I beg for him to let me cum.... I love his words telling me to cum just for him... The minute he requests me to.. I want to.. I need to.. but, I am not quite there... My body is so wound up.... Again I beg for him to let me cum... This time when he tells me to cum for him... I do... He knows I cannot remain still... and I cannot remain quiet... He allows me to ride out the wave of pleasure that comes over me.

Sir is not yet finished with me.,,.. I belong to him... I am his for his personal pleasure...
He trails kisses along my body... His tongue is on my throbbing clit... He will make me cum again. My body is wound... I have no choice... my pussy will come again.. for Sir.

Sir unbinds my ankles... I am totally exposed for his pleasure.. I love the feel of Sirs hard cock as he penetrates deep inside of me. I feel his need grow... I love it when he takes me in a such a manner. I love it when he takes me off guard.. and tugs me swift and firm toward him by my collar. The kiss is fierce and demanding. My goal is to meet his need....

I drift to sleep in my cuff and collar. I know I will sleep peacefully next to Sir.

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